What are patterns and what do they have to do with me? In short, it has everything to do with you, me and everyone. Let me take a moment to explain.

Do you know someone who is always late? And are they always making up excuses? “I couldn’t find the file”, “My wife misplaced my car keys”, “I need more time”, “What you’re asking is impossible”, “I had some chores to do late last night”, “I didn’t realise we were planning to meet so soon” and on and on.

What about a friend who complains they are always broke? Yet, they make a decent living - they may even earn the same wage as you. Do you know anyone who is living from paycheck to paycheck? Spending everything as soon as they get paid?

Believe it or not, the reason why this friend is always late or broke is not because of some mystical force in the universe but because of the patterns they have established. How they feel, what they think and how they react are all elements of patterns they have established. These patterns operate at the sub-conscious level and are constantly working to fulfil our friend’s expectations.

If you feel you’re going to be late, you will be. If you think you’re always broke, you tend to be.

The trick to achieving your life goals and being happy is to minimise the negative patterns and reinforce the positive patterns. Focus on establishing the habits which lead to desired results. Eliminate the temptations to do bad and surround yourself with aids that encourage the good.

So what’s patterns got to do with anything? Everything.

It’s not just about changing my environment or circumstances, it’s about changing me. In order to achieve my goal, I first have to change my patterns. Patterns that allow me to be a good Software Engineer may not be the same patterns I need to be a successful Entrepreneur.

For example, in order to be more business savvy, I may need to spend more time reading business related texts. One way to encourage this is to setup Bloglines with more business feeds at the top of the list so I end up reading these before anything else. Also, if I am to launch a new web service, I need to consistently dedicate time outside of work to do this. This could mean, forming a habit to wake up at 5:30am and blocking out 90 mins every day.

There are lots more examples and I’ll write more about these new patterns in future posts. In the meantime, if you have a life goal you wish to accomplish or have something in your life you are unhappy about, think about the patterns you have. Which patterns are negative? Can you minimise them? If possible, establish as many positive patterns as you can that would help you achieve your goals.

Over the years I have worked at many client sites and a variety of office layouts. On one project in particular, we had as many as 80 people in a project team, seated via an open plan arrangement. It was pretty difficult trying to stay focused in an environment like this. These days, the projects I’m on are typically smaller, but there are still a number of distractions which frequently interrupt my working groove. So what are some of the things we can do to minimise such interruptions and distractions?

Here’s my list of 18 ways to stay focused at work:

1. Write out a daily task list and plan your day. There’s nothing like a task list sitting next to you to keep you focused. When you have a list of the things you need to accomplish in a day, having that close to you constantly reminding you of what needs to be done is a great way of keeping on track.
2. Allocate time slots colleagues can interrupt you. In a busy work place, people are moving and talking all the time. If you play a role in a team where others need to interact with you, try allocating a time slot they can interrupt you. Instead of having people stop by your desk every 10 mins and asking you questions, let them know of a time in the day, say between 2-4pm you can be interrupted. At all other times, you can really get some work done.
3. Apply time boxing. In a previous article, I wrote about the benefits of time boxing. Instead of working at something till it is done, try working on it for a limited period, say 30 mins. By that time, the task is either completed or you allocate another time slot, perhaps in another day, to pick it up again. This way, you keep your work fresh and engaging throughout the entire working day.
4. Setup filters in your email. If you spend a lot of your time communicating and planning in front of your computer, chances are you deal with emails on a frequent basis. Setting up filters in your email client can be a great way of sorting out what’s important and urgent from personal stuff which can wait. Instead of dealing with a single Inbox with hundreds of unread email, you only need to deal with smaller folders categorised by project, priority and context.
5. Do not check personal email in the morning. Checking personal emails can be very distracting even with filters setup. This is especially true when your friends send you links to interesting articles, jokes or videos on YouTube. If you’re not careful, you can get side tracked for hours. Instead of checking your personal email as soon as you get in, try starting work straight away. This will build up some momentum as you ease into your work day. You should check your personal email only after you have a few tasks completed or underway. Also, if you don’t want to perpetuate a particular distracting email thread, just don’t reply to it until after work.
6. Set your IM status. If you use Instant Messenger, when you don’t want to be disturbed, make use of the status and set yourself as being away or busy. Your friends and colleagues will honour that. They can either send you an email or look you up later when you aren’t as busy.
7. Listen to the right types of music. Music is a great way of settling into the working routine. In addition, having music can drown out office noises like printers and background chattering. Be careful though, depending on personal preference, some types of music are not particularly conducive to productive work. For me, I can’t work when listening to songs with lots of lyrics because the words interrupt my thinking process.
8. Use the headphones but leave the music off. Some people prefer to have absolute silence when working. I think that also depends on what kind of work you are doing. If you’re doing some serious planning or something computational, having music blasting in your ears may not be the best thing for keeping focused. Try using headphones or ear plugs to block out the background noise but leave the music off.
9. Fill up a water bottle. Keeping yourself hydrated is pretty important for all sorts of health reasons. Instead of going to the water cooler with your glass every hour, try filling up a water bottle at the start of the day. This does a couple of things - firstly, it limits the starts/stops associated every time you get up for water and secondly, it avoids being sucked into lengthy discussions around the water cooler.
10. Find the best time to do repetitive and boring tasks. No matter how much you try to avoid it, you’re going to have to face doing things which are either repetitive or boring. For these tasks, I find it is best to choose a time in the day to work on them. For example, I’m more alert at the start of the day, so it’s better to work on things which require brain power early. Working on boring tasks that can be done via auto-pilot are better left towards the end of the day when I’m usually tired.
11. Bring your lunch and have it at your desk. I’m not suggesting you do this every day, but if you really have to focus and are trying to meet a deadline, having your lunch at your desk really helps. The normal one hour lunch break can really interrupt any momentum you might have built up during the morning. I find when I’m eating lunch at my desk, my lunch breaks are shorter and I can get through a few emails while I’m eating. After I’m done, I’m straight back working on the next task.
12. Don’t make long personal calls. Most of us have a good separation between our working and personal lives (or a least try to). I think we can all agree we should avoid having work intrude on our personal time as much as possible. The reverse of this also applies. Try limiting the time you spend doing personal things during work as they can be distracting and draining on your motivation. For example, you do not really want to be thinking about your weekend away with your spouse when you really need to get things done.
13. Clean up your desk. Some of you may have desks which can only be described as ordered chaos. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as long as you can find what you need without too much digging around. However, if you can’t, I suggest cleaning up your desk. That doesn’t mean having an empty desk, it just means having neat stacks of paper, all filed in the correct location. It also helps tremendously having all the things you need easily within arms reach. For example, if you need a place to write, having your pen and notepad close by and easily accessible is incredibly useful.
14. Get a good chair. If you sit for long hours at your desk and I’m sure some of you do, you might find it helpful to get a good chair. I find it’s pretty hard to stay focused when my neck and back are sore because I have a bad setup at my desk. A good chair can eliminate this, allowing you to work for long stretches without breaks and physical distractions.
15. Use shortcuts on your computer. If you find you do the same thing with your computer more than once throughout the day, you might find it helpful to look for ways in which you can do them without too much manual repetition. For example, if there’s a project folder you access all the time, try adding a shortcut to your Explorer or Finder so you can get access to it with a single click, instead of expanding folder after folder in the tree panel.
16. Close programs you’re not using. As a software engineer, I use a lot of programs important to my work. However, in most cases, I only need a few applications open at the same time. Instead of Alt-Tabbing constantly and fighting the computer to locate the program you need, try only having the applications you need open. Close everything else. For example, if you have already located a file and no longer need a particular Explorer or Finder instance open, close it. There’s no reason to leave it around at all.
17. Limit time on Digg, Delicious, news sites and blogs. I don’t think I need to say too much about this. There are so many sites on the Internet worth looking at . Digg, Delicious, news and blogs are great from an interest perspective, but they can really take you away from the work you should be working on. Try to limit going to these sites during the working day. If you really have to, try doing it during your lunch time. No, you don’t need to have your finger on the pulse every single minute of the day…
18. Change your mindset and make work fun. For me, I find it difficult to stay focused on doing things I’m not by nature interested in doing. In most cases, there’s probably nothing I can do about it. However, be mindful of the fact that your perception of work is something you can control. For my last tip here, I suggest you try changing your mindset or turning work into a game. An unfocused mind, is an unchallenged mind. So make things fun!

I hope these tips will take you closer to more focused and productive work days.

Ok, good luck! If you like this article, tell your friends,

Hey, what are you still doing here? Get back to work!

If You're Single, Get Ready to Mingle! Read Some Valentine's Quotes

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

Steps

1. 

   Could it be love?
   Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, sex, holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
4. 

   Or is it lust?
   Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
5. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
6. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust and infatuation) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

Tips

• Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
• To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
• Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
• Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
• Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
• A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
• Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
• Give it time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
• Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)
• What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever "dropping your drawers" so to speak.

Warnings

• If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
• You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.

Steps

1. Drop hints in their presence - not about how they should hook up, but about how much you admire the person in question. Highlight their intelligence, fun personality, and popularity.
2. Drop hints about how good looking they are. For example, "Who do you think is the hottest guy we know?"
3. Encourage the individuals in question to attend group social outings where they can interact freely.
4. Highlight their similarities in conversation.
5. Watch the magic happen.

Tips

• Act cool, don't force it. It's inevitable that they will get together with your subtle assistance.
• If you want this relationship to work make sure that you don`t say something embarassing or something that you know you`re going to regret!
• try to give them tips about your friend. something that you know they they like to talk about.
• Be confidential with your friends and ask him/ her who they like.
• Point out the people you want to hook up's good traits and they will start to like each other( this works about 75% of the time)

Warnings

• Several friends have come together with this help. My problem is making them stay together!
• If they end up breaking up make sure no rumors get started. you`re going to regret what you did!
• Do Not try to hook your friends up with the person you like as a way to get to the person.

Acting smart in front of friends takes some intelligence, wit and confidence.

Steps

1. Speak with confidence. Always give the impression that you know what you are talking about, even if you are making some of it up. If your friends are talking about something you don't know much about then stay quiet and listen. When you get home look up whatever it is that you didn't know about.
2. Speak in a different language. In French, "Je m'appelle" means "My name is". You say "Please" with "S'il vous plait". Try out different phrases.
3. Talk about quantum physics, politics, and use words such as 'superfluous' and 'ostracize.' Make sure that you consult a dictionary or encyclopedia in order to really understand the words, otherwise you'll appear merely ignorant.
4. Be "in the know". Read the newspaper everyday and report interesting news to your friends. You can also go on the internet search interesting articles. A lot of knowledge can be obtained this way.
5. Be sarcastic. Raise your eyebrows a lot. (This can get you called a smart aleck, or grounded if you abuse this in front of your parents). Wit is valued when done well, however.
6. Speak clearly and avoid "uhm"'s and "like"'s (especially while giving a speech). Breathe deeply instead of filling the space with a useless word.
7. Sit in a room full of friends,and just sit and be very quiet, occasionally nodding and smiling. This will let them think that you are observing them and they will act differently. This may make them feel self-conscious, so try not to make people feel uncomfortable, or you may lose your friends.
8. Read quotes by famous people and use them in situations that call for them. Be sure to let your friends know who said that, so they will ponder the thought and think more highly of you by knowing the person who said it.
9. Use "big" words, but not sporadically. Using a thesaurus to look up synonyms for great & then spitting them out once or twice when you remember them doesn't help you. But constantly using the same larger words periodically, whether in one conversation or just generally speaking, shows that you know what you're talking about.
10. Relate situations or peoples' personalities to historic events/people. Start a description, like "See that's why Tolkien went to Oxford, he first became a philologist.." & then halfway through your sentence say, "..nevermind, that's not important. You just reminded me of it."

Tips

• When someone questions you, question them in return.
• If challenged by someone who does know what they are talking about, don't be defensive, rather agree that they have an interesting perspective and that you appreciate the information.
• Don't be afraid to admit you may be wrong. If someone calls you out on it, and they are irrefutably right, concede, and quickly change the subject. Or use humor to defuse the situation, admitting that you have yet to finish studying that knowledge.
• It is better to be quiet and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Use silence to your advantage; people will wonder what you're thinking.
• Don't brag about things you have that they don't. People love to brag about themselves. so listen and learn to read them from this.
• Don't use slang or immaturity.
• If people remark that something you said was nerdy or "why do you know that?," have a sense of humor about it!
• Be graceful. No one likes a know-it-all, and acting or being smarter does not make you better than the rest of the crowd.

Warnings

• Watch out for people who might catch you acting smart. Keep learning and you will actually be smart rather than acting.
• Don't make up facts - and if you do, make sure you say something like, "I read it forever ago in a magazine" or something equally vague.
• Another excellent vague source is "I saw it on the History Channel." Works like a charm.
• Also, if caught, you can use. "Oh, then I guess he/she/the author/TV presenter was lying or mistaken." Don't say who he/she is.
• Be careful if you use the "big words" trick or else you risk sounding stupid. Make sure you know exactly what the word means and how to use it; e.g, don't give an intransitive verb an object. Don't mix up a word with another similar sounding word either.

Meeting people sometimes can be difficult, but think about it, you may be missing a chance to talk to someone who could become your best friend

STEPS:

• Be confident. If the other person doesn't start the conversation, then you should try to start it. Look around and see what is the most interesting thing to talk about. Talking about fashion or music could help. You could start the conversation like this: "Have you seen Hilary Duff's (or your favourite singer's) new video..." or "That is a really nice bracelet, where did you get it..." or something else in that style.
• Be in. Even if friendship is not based on clothing style, an interesting and fashionable combination could be a fun thing to talk about. Maybe you will find a friend with a similar clothing style.
• Big smile. The big smile is a sign that you are fun and communicative person, and that makes it easy for the others, and they will come to you faster.
• Think positively. The smile is important, but you will have to smile on the inside too. Think about positive things, and your mood will make everyone feel good.
• Keep in touch. You've just met someone and now you think that you can become good friends, so what are you waiting for, ask for her/his phone number or her/his e-mail address.
• Be open. Never judge anyone before you meet her/him, and be open for hanging out. You will be surprised by the number of new friendships coming your way.
• Have fun. When you feel nervous, try to laugh more. That will help you to forget about the problem. You can say a joke - even a bad joke can make a smile on your face.
• Don't be scared to randomly talk to someone, especially if you know absolutely no one at the place you are. Chances are, they want a new friend too, if they don't know anyone else either.

TIPS:

• When you see the person that you wanna be friends with say "Hi".
• Give compliments.
• Find out what you have in common with the other person.
• Make sure that you want to be their friend. You don't want to sometime later find them annoying and hurt them.
  • • This doesn't take 60 seconds it takes more, but with patience you will get a long lasting friendship.
• Watch what you say and be cheery.

Warnings:

• Don't lie, because that can complicate the situation.
• Don't be afraid to tease them a bit, as long as it is good natured.

 

It's that quality that draws you to someone. You've seen them... those people who always seem to be the life of the party (or the life of any situation really). Yeah sure, you may want to be like that person, to have that sort of attention (not mentioning the number of friends!), but how do you start? Well, read on and find out!

 

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

 

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

 

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.